11/22/2010 | Share this article:By Mike ~
Hello everyone; my name is Mike. I am 32 years of age and I left the church when I was 23.
My journey away from the church started when I became curious of where my religion came from and what effect it had on the world. To make a long story short I found that my religion has been the cause of pain and suffering for many people. I discovered that my religion killed people because they were non-Christian and even killed other Christians for so-called heresy. I also discovered that my all-loving, merciful, compassionate creator condoned the murder of children in the bible. I began to think about how a loving, merciful god could ever create a hell for anybody to go to just because they did not believe in him or his son.
I reacted to all this with a sense of injustice and rage. I didn't really think about the so-called consequences of doing what I was doing. I felt betrayed and lied to by god himself. I just couldn't stand to think that my god murders little infants and creates a hell for unbelievers. As a Christian I didn't think about these things much even though I knew I must have read them in the bible at some point. I read the bible from cover to cover so I know I must have noticed these things, but for some reason they didn't register -- no alarm went off for some reason. I guess it must have been because I was so brainwashed by the church that I couldn't think to save my life.
I look back on my days as a Christian and wonder what the hell was I thinking?
Recently I began to think about death and dying and wondering if I would really go to hell. What if I was wrong and this terrible baby-killer did exist? What then? What if I were to die now and find myself in front of god and then thrown in hell for all eternity? What if for all of my reasoning ability I turn out to be utterly wrong despite evidence to the contrary. (I’m sure I’m right.) I thought about these things constantly and scared myself so bad that I became a Christian again for about two months. During that short time as a born again Christian I was not happy. I kept thinking about how god killed children, how god created hell for unbelievers and how god seems to hate people who are attracted to the same sex or both sexes. I asked myself if I could honestly believe in a god who is prejudiced and hateful and cruel and bigoted and just plain fucking psycho! I asked myself if I could be just like him. I mean after all god is supposed to be the model and guide for our life and we are supposed to strive to be like him because he's perfect and sweet and sensible and just the best thing ever right? Well the bible shows us a god who is anything but sweet, kind and sensible. The bible shows us a psychotic, neurotic, manipulative, tyrannical monster of the sickest imagination. People scream about Hitler and his genocide of the Jews but we hardly hear anything of god and his genocide of people.
It’s in our bibles, but for some reason some of us can't see them or we ignore it. I still believe in a cause for this universe that we see and behold, but I don't believe that that cause is the god of the bible or Yahweh as he is called. I don’t believe that the creator of this universe ever chose a race of people as his special race and I don’t believe that he had a son whom he had to torture to forgive us of our sins and I don't believe that this creator ever created a hell for anybody to go to.
I will never proclaim to know the will or thoughts of this creator but I know it is not the Hebrew, Jewish god whose name is Yahweh. I am myself am a bisexual so how could I believe in a god that hates me simply because of my sexual orientation? How could I believe in a god who punishes people for their lack of belief? How could I believe in a god who kills infants?
When I think about these things I am glad that I have the gift of reason to see me through.
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