11/19/2010 | Share this article: View CommentsBy Charissa ~
Today is day one of my actually looking into other Christians who are now no longer believers.
There are still so many questions that I have, and I am actually giving myself a headache and getting physically ill over the thought that all that I believe is just indoctrination, and even the cross was a crutch? I am not an ex-Christian right now, but floating pretty close to that point. I guess I don't actually know where I am...
Religion is just filled with gaping holes, and no man (or woman) can explain anything to me. It seems like when we just don't find an answer that fits in, we move on to the next denomination. Which is complete bullcrappypoo, (oh I can swear now?!) There must be an absolute truth, if there is an absolute God, surely He who is all powerful would not let this happen?
Christians too (and I include myself in this judgment) are the biggest fakes, if we are supposedly new creatures why then am I still the same? I think my pastor is going to have the fright of his life if I deconvert, I was set on going to the mission field, teaching Sunday school, doing missions focus' on weekends. And I always believed the line that those who turn their back on God were never believers.
Well, I also believe, or believed that none can clutch us out of His hand, I have no doubt that my conversion was real, (as real as an emotional experience can be) so, but being here, if He is real, then He will convince me.
But how do you just get to the bottom of truth, I don't want to believe just because I've been told something. So I am asking for help, and links, biggest questions that you had that may help me. My mind is boggled and I cant even think straight and figure things out!