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Last Minute Forgiveness

By Renoliz ~

My mother is apparently dying as I write this. She will soon take her last breath. Whilst not wanting to speak ill of the dead I am yet baffled by a life so wasted. I am incensed by a life so injurious to her children.

I found out from my sister that Mom has spoken with a chaplain at the hospital. "She has regrets about her life," my sister states "But she does believe in God." So, apparently, all is forgiven and she can die in peace.

I wonder why Mom didn't try to make amends when she could -- with us real human beings? Instead, last minute and all, she decides that she will talk to a chaplain.

What did he tell her? That god loves all of us and that we are all born sinners. She couldn't help the bad things that she did.

Did he tell her that children should honor their mother and their father? We children just haven't done right by her. We should be punished not her.

I wonder if he told her that she should forgive us all our trespasses. Even if at least some of her children blatantly refuse to forgive her for her trespasses. After all, Christians should be able to forgive anything on the planet. God forgives even the most horrible of people. The only thing he won't forgive is those who simply cannot or will not believe in Him.

Perhaps this is one of the worst beliefs created by Christianity. That you can throw your children to the dogs, marry nine times, drink like a fish, have character flaws that are downright evil but... not to worry. God will sweep you into His great big arms and you will be dancing on streets of gold in the afterlife. To hell with all the lives left in tatters around you in the real world.

My sister said today that she realizes that Mom has done a lot of wrong but she wants to love her parent. I am fine with that. I wanted to love my parent as well. I have mourned the fact that I didn't have a parent who cared for anything more than her own twisted wellbeing. A parent who, for whatever reasons, was so warped that she could not be more than a sad caricature of humanity. I have resolved my issues. Like loving God, I would be loving what I wanted to believe in, the image I have of what a mother should be. An ethereal but imaginary being. I cannot love what my mother actually is.

I am simply left puzzled by a life so wasted and six children torn to shreds. And, a God that can forgive someone at the last minute. According to most Christians, my mother [who was a bad person] will be in Heaven. And I [a good person] will be in Hell. That is a God that makes no sense whatsoever.


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