Why am I so joyfully obsessed with you? Why do I consider the highlights of my day to be when I check my Facebook (FB) notifications? Why do I write a letter to you as if you were a being with which to communicate?
Image by yorkville via FlickrIs it because I need something to replace my Christian God? How can someone be so happy that something doesn’t exist?
I have an atheist friend who does not care much about you. You are not a topic of much interest to him. He knows you are his but he is not obsessed with you. How can he get on with his life without making you the centerpiece of his life? I suspect that atheists like this who were raised by atheist parents have no need to spend much thought on you because they are not bound to Christianity by pangs of fear and guilt.
For me, though, you have replaced Christianity, which was my life’s purpose at one time. Maybe I am replacing one life’s purpose with another. Before, I was on a mission to convert everyone I knew to Christianity. Now I feel like I am on mission to convert everyone to atheism. But, alas, I realize that is impossible and would be futile because Christians block out rationality when it comes to religion whereas you embrace it.
I think it is because I am still in the grip of Christianity even though I thought I divorced Christianity 35 years ago. Christianity is like an ex who is stalking me. I can’t get rid of her fully, even after 35 years!
I speculate that I am so passionately in love with you now because I need to fight hard to escape my Christian past. I need to put some emotion into it to free myself. It is like I am trying to escape the earth’s (Christianity’s) gravitational pull and I need a rocket fuel (emotion) burst to get out of this orbit in which I find myself.
Sometimes, I still find myself wondering if I am wrong. Perhaps I will be spending a trillion-plus years in Hell. Then, I just remind myself how ridiculous it would be for there to be a god who would set me up for failure like this. He gave me a good brain. He made the universe appear to be a result of the interaction of many forces of nature. Then he would sentence me to a trillion years in Hell for using the brain he gave me. Then I go to Facebook and check for Notifications and interesting posts about you and I feel better. It is like therapy from my Christianity neurosis.
I suspect there are many more people on FB who are like me in this way. I have a conjecture that my friends who are posting on FB daily are also in therapy, trying to evade their ex’s, trying to break away from their orbit. Atheist-raised atheists just realize you are their parent and they grow up and live normal lives. They do not need FB. They are secure in their lack of belief. Is my conjecture about Atheism true? Will I ever be free like my atheists with atheist parents?